Whiny Angsty Birthday Post
Mar. 24th, 2005 03:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
newnumber6Probably best to skip this, but bleh, I'm sick, depressed, and want to rant and whine a little, but nobody really wants to read it.
So, yeah, I'm 27. 3 to the third power years old. Which is something I guess. I mean, I don't think I'll live to be 4^4, or 3^3^3. And I'm still sick. Sometimes I feel mostly okay except for one or two symptoms, and then all of a sudden everything hits me at once and I have to lie down or die. Great. That just @%#!ing figures. The universe can't even cut me that much of a break to let me feel better on my birthday. My half-birthday anyway, with the other half being Good Friday anyway, really close together this year. Anyway.
My birthday used to signal the end of my winter extra-depression. It still usually ends at roughly the same time, what with the weather changing, but now the birthday itself is a source of further depression. Every year my goals seem more and more unattainable. I see people far younger than me already on the road to success in one way or another, not me, I'm just existing. No love life, or even much hope for ever having one. Social life, same deal. Much of the online social life I had is gone. Job? Part time dealy, satisfies me mainly because I don't seem to have any ambition left in me. Just marking time until I finally kick it. The birthday is now just a reminder of the inescapable conclusion that on almost every level there is, I'm a total failure of a human being. But yay, I'm a year older of a failure. :P.
Maybe I should just take up drinking... at least then I can get oblivion for short periods of time.
In other news, today was supposed to be the last day for me buying chips, except one a month. Well, screw that, I've been sick the last week. This was supposed to my blaze-of-greasy-glory week, and I didn't even feel like eating chips, much less going to the store to buy them. So I'm extending the deadline to the end of the month. If I'm still sick by then, then I'mextending it tjust going on a damn killing spree. But assuming not, then in April and every month after, I'll only be buying one bag of chips a month. Hopefully.
So, yeah, I'm 27. 3 to the third power years old. Which is something I guess. I mean, I don't think I'll live to be 4^4, or 3^3^3. And I'm still sick. Sometimes I feel mostly okay except for one or two symptoms, and then all of a sudden everything hits me at once and I have to lie down or die. Great. That just @%#!ing figures. The universe can't even cut me that much of a break to let me feel better on my birthday. My half-birthday anyway, with the other half being Good Friday anyway, really close together this year. Anyway.
My birthday used to signal the end of my winter extra-depression. It still usually ends at roughly the same time, what with the weather changing, but now the birthday itself is a source of further depression. Every year my goals seem more and more unattainable. I see people far younger than me already on the road to success in one way or another, not me, I'm just existing. No love life, or even much hope for ever having one. Social life, same deal. Much of the online social life I had is gone. Job? Part time dealy, satisfies me mainly because I don't seem to have any ambition left in me. Just marking time until I finally kick it. The birthday is now just a reminder of the inescapable conclusion that on almost every level there is, I'm a total failure of a human being. But yay, I'm a year older of a failure. :P.
Maybe I should just take up drinking... at least then I can get oblivion for short periods of time.
In other news, today was supposed to be the last day for me buying chips, except one a month. Well, screw that, I've been sick the last week. This was supposed to my blaze-of-greasy-glory week, and I didn't even feel like eating chips, much less going to the store to buy them. So I'm extending the deadline to the end of the month. If I'm still sick by then, then I'm
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 05:18 pm (UTC)That's all.
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Date: 2005-03-24 07:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-03-24 10:58 pm (UTC)Or I'd like, take a week off, drive up to Canada, and hang out. But you'd not meet me!
Seriously, though, I think even the successful people at some point or another go 'Man, I'm not successful enough.'. If you can wake up in the morning and feel that you survived the night, then you're doing alright. :)
*hug*
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Date: 2005-03-25 08:15 am (UTC)Wowsers.
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Date: 2005-03-25 12:40 pm (UTC)