Good Hunting Yesterday
Nov. 17th, 2011 12:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
newnumber6So, yesterday I went to get new comics... got:
New Mutants #34 (bit blah)
I skipped NM #33 because it wasn't easily findable on the shelves, and I didn't want to go digging through stacks, but I'd read it online (it came out only 2 weeks after the issue before, and I didn't want to make a long trip again for one comic).
At the used bookstores, I made some decent finds... first, and foremost, I FINALLY found a copy of Vernor Vinge's "Marooned In Realtime". Been looking forever for it, and it was a surprisingly good price, too. This means that I now own every novel written by him (although the first few are a little weak). There's still a collection of his short stories I want to get eventually, but it's not as pressing a need. So, yay!
Also, picked up Cetaganda, by Lois McMaster Bujold, one of her Miles Vorkosigan series. Unfortunately I've reached the point in that series where I can't remember which books I've read and which I haven't, but this is one I know I haven't and it was set in somewhat earlier days from where the series was when the book was written so I don't have to worry about spoiling other books I haven't read.
I also had a new personal goal, and promptly failed in it! Well, mostly. Here's the story. Recently, I decided as part of a small-scale "try new things" philosophy, that whenever I go do the downtown walk for new comics/used bookstores, I will make an effort to buy lunch and try something I've never tried before. No traditional branded fast food restaurants, and if I have a specific meal I've tried before I have to do it in a place I've never tried. Because I've always passed a number of restaurants and seen menus with things that look like they might be ood, but for a variety of reason (ranging from cheapness - a desire not to pay for a meal I might wind up hating, to the absurd shyness and self-consciousness that imprisons me normally, by risking mispronouncing something or not making myself understood), never taken the plunge. Well, I decided to change that.
And yes, I did make this decision while watching the latest Simpsons episode where they become Foodies, but that's a mere coincidence. If you think the Simpsons has any influence on my mind, well, that's just a load of rich, creamery butter.
Anyway, I had the plan, but I failed. I did eat a meal on the way home, but it was a gyro from a gyro place I've been to before.
Several things went into this failure. 1) before I made this new resolution, I'd decided "Hey, I'll have a gyro every time I go get comics/books", and even though I had to sacrifice that, my heart still craved that last gyro.
2) As I was walking, I kept hoping for a place that would jump out for the first place I tried, and although I passed many potential candidates, I skipped them in favor of what might come further down on the walk home. But by the time I got to the gyro place, I realized it was probably my last chance for a decent meal. Now I have better idea of what's out there I hope next time I can make a better decision.
3) I have been at somewhat of a low ebb of confidence recently. Read behind the cut for the boring details, they're not really important and a bit long and whiny, included only for the chance it might help people understand people like me. Anyway, it all came down to an innocently-meant comment on the phone fairly recently, from my Dad. He was mentioning how me and my brother sounded mostly the same on the phone, and then added "Of course, you have a little bit of a lisp..." and all my confidence crashed. I know it wasn't meant to hurt, he probably had no idea it would even affect me, but, well, one sure way to get me to not feel much like communicating in any way with strangers is to remind me of my difficulties in that area.
Here's the thing. When I was young, grade... 2 or 3 or 4 or something like that, I had what I understand is a fairly common speech impediment, the lisp where the s sounds sound like "th" (probably due to losing front teeth and getting used to not having the teeth as a barrier when making the sound). I also always had this problem where, when I got excited, I spoke too fast. My parents decided I needed help with that, and so, on a regular basis, I had to leave the rest of my class and go to these special speech therapy sessions. I always felt ashamed about that, that everybody knew where I was going and worse, having one on one time with a teacher who basically was telling me over and over again that I was doing it wrong (wildly out of the ordinary for me, since I always excelled in school)... well, I HATED it.
Now, I was always shy before that, but I really think that was the point where, subconsciously (and maybe even a little bit consciously), I decided 'Well, if speaking is going to make me stand out, subject me to more ridicule, I just won't speak much."
I know I never got over the mumbling/speaking too fast problem. But I always I guess nurtured the idea that I'd mostly gotten over the lisp. After all, whenever I thought about what I said to see if I was lisping, I didn't make the wrong noise, and nobody'd ever really brought it up as a separate issue to the mumbling.
Yet, there it was, "you have a little bit of a lisp", like a slap in the face to my own self-image. I guess it can't be THAT bad, or other people would mention it all the time. It's probably an occasional thing, not every time I make the s sound like I used to, but every so often and probably more when I talk fast and excited that very few people outside of my family get to hear ANYWAY. Still lately, whenever I think about trying to initiate a conversation, in addition to the normal voices of uncertainty and doubt, there's "you have a little bit of a lisp, don't make a fool of yourself by letting them notice". (And yes, I'm aware that rationally people with lisps aren't making fools of themselves, most people don't even care, but too much of my life is non-rational).
Suffice it to say, stepping out of my comfort zone was probably a little harder then it should have been.
However, gyros should not go without comment, and it was a very good gyro (but the lemon/tzatziki/grease that had accumulated towards the end did drip and get on my shirt... oops).
New Mutants #34 (bit blah)
I skipped NM #33 because it wasn't easily findable on the shelves, and I didn't want to go digging through stacks, but I'd read it online (it came out only 2 weeks after the issue before, and I didn't want to make a long trip again for one comic).
At the used bookstores, I made some decent finds... first, and foremost, I FINALLY found a copy of Vernor Vinge's "Marooned In Realtime". Been looking forever for it, and it was a surprisingly good price, too. This means that I now own every novel written by him (although the first few are a little weak). There's still a collection of his short stories I want to get eventually, but it's not as pressing a need. So, yay!
Also, picked up Cetaganda, by Lois McMaster Bujold, one of her Miles Vorkosigan series. Unfortunately I've reached the point in that series where I can't remember which books I've read and which I haven't, but this is one I know I haven't and it was set in somewhat earlier days from where the series was when the book was written so I don't have to worry about spoiling other books I haven't read.
I also had a new personal goal, and promptly failed in it! Well, mostly. Here's the story. Recently, I decided as part of a small-scale "try new things" philosophy, that whenever I go do the downtown walk for new comics/used bookstores, I will make an effort to buy lunch and try something I've never tried before. No traditional branded fast food restaurants, and if I have a specific meal I've tried before I have to do it in a place I've never tried. Because I've always passed a number of restaurants and seen menus with things that look like they might be ood, but for a variety of reason (ranging from cheapness - a desire not to pay for a meal I might wind up hating, to the absurd shyness and self-consciousness that imprisons me normally, by risking mispronouncing something or not making myself understood), never taken the plunge. Well, I decided to change that.
And yes, I did make this decision while watching the latest Simpsons episode where they become Foodies, but that's a mere coincidence. If you think the Simpsons has any influence on my mind, well, that's just a load of rich, creamery butter.
Anyway, I had the plan, but I failed. I did eat a meal on the way home, but it was a gyro from a gyro place I've been to before.
Several things went into this failure. 1) before I made this new resolution, I'd decided "Hey, I'll have a gyro every time I go get comics/books", and even though I had to sacrifice that, my heart still craved that last gyro.
2) As I was walking, I kept hoping for a place that would jump out for the first place I tried, and although I passed many potential candidates, I skipped them in favor of what might come further down on the walk home. But by the time I got to the gyro place, I realized it was probably my last chance for a decent meal. Now I have better idea of what's out there I hope next time I can make a better decision.
3) I have been at somewhat of a low ebb of confidence recently. Read behind the cut for the boring details, they're not really important and a bit long and whiny, included only for the chance it might help people understand people like me. Anyway, it all came down to an innocently-meant comment on the phone fairly recently, from my Dad. He was mentioning how me and my brother sounded mostly the same on the phone, and then added "Of course, you have a little bit of a lisp..." and all my confidence crashed. I know it wasn't meant to hurt, he probably had no idea it would even affect me, but, well, one sure way to get me to not feel much like communicating in any way with strangers is to remind me of my difficulties in that area.
Here's the thing. When I was young, grade... 2 or 3 or 4 or something like that, I had what I understand is a fairly common speech impediment, the lisp where the s sounds sound like "th" (probably due to losing front teeth and getting used to not having the teeth as a barrier when making the sound). I also always had this problem where, when I got excited, I spoke too fast. My parents decided I needed help with that, and so, on a regular basis, I had to leave the rest of my class and go to these special speech therapy sessions. I always felt ashamed about that, that everybody knew where I was going and worse, having one on one time with a teacher who basically was telling me over and over again that I was doing it wrong (wildly out of the ordinary for me, since I always excelled in school)... well, I HATED it.
Now, I was always shy before that, but I really think that was the point where, subconsciously (and maybe even a little bit consciously), I decided 'Well, if speaking is going to make me stand out, subject me to more ridicule, I just won't speak much."
I know I never got over the mumbling/speaking too fast problem. But I always I guess nurtured the idea that I'd mostly gotten over the lisp. After all, whenever I thought about what I said to see if I was lisping, I didn't make the wrong noise, and nobody'd ever really brought it up as a separate issue to the mumbling.
Yet, there it was, "you have a little bit of a lisp", like a slap in the face to my own self-image. I guess it can't be THAT bad, or other people would mention it all the time. It's probably an occasional thing, not every time I make the s sound like I used to, but every so often and probably more when I talk fast and excited that very few people outside of my family get to hear ANYWAY. Still lately, whenever I think about trying to initiate a conversation, in addition to the normal voices of uncertainty and doubt, there's "you have a little bit of a lisp, don't make a fool of yourself by letting them notice". (And yes, I'm aware that rationally people with lisps aren't making fools of themselves, most people don't even care, but too much of my life is non-rational).
Suffice it to say, stepping out of my comfort zone was probably a little harder then it should have been.
However, gyros should not go without comment, and it was a very good gyro (but the lemon/tzatziki/grease that had accumulated towards the end did drip and get on my shirt... oops).
