A pre-dawn encounter...
Nov. 19th, 2014 12:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
newnumber6I wasn't going to post this, but it's been playing on my mind regularly since, and maybe narrativizing it will help get it out of there (or maybe that it's all written down somewhere my memory won't feel the need to hold onto it so hard).
So, I go to work very early in the morning, at this time of year well before dawn for the hour or so it takes to walk. Usually it's pretty quiet, especially on Sunday mornings. Last Sunday, not so much.
I was on a section of my walk where it's a very long street, but not particularly well travelled... there's a bus on weekdays, but not on Sundays (at least, not that early), very little traffic or people, and it's residential so although there are streetlight, it's fairly dark overall. I was walking down one side of the street, and heard a couple of people coming up the other side of the street in the other direction. As I got closer, I put it together fairly quickly that they were a young man and woman, and they sounded drunk, and they were arguing... that's not enough that I'd take much notice, but as I got closer, I started to see and hear stuff that worried me, enough that even a coward and confrontation-phobe like me had to step in.
It was nothing 100% damning, but it was very borderline and still in the category of "not at all acceptable". It began to look like (possibly more just from drunken contrariness) that she didn't want to go with him, and he was trying to get her to, at first in reasonable-sounding ways that were occasionally successful (for a few steps at least). Then I heard him say something along the lines of "strangle you", but it was ambiguous from the tone of voice whether it was literally a threat "I'm going to strangle you" or "i feel like i want to strangle you" (which again, not at all okay in my book, but maybe being drunk he just said things he didn't mean). This was when I stopped walking, put my book away, and pretty much started watching from the other side of the street, not sure whether I should intervene, or more mysteriously WOULD (because I've often found myself deciding I should do something and want to and on some levels deciding to but then it's like my body goes on autopilot to avoid the situation). They didn't seem to notice me, being on the other side of the street (and very slightly behind them). Honestly, it sounds bad, but if that ambiguous threat was the ONLY thing hinky I might have done that that night, too, but within a few seconds he began physically pulling at her arm and she seemed to be resisting, and crying, and he called her a stupid C-word, so I took a deep breath and found myself walking towards them (thinking to myself that this is how people get stabbed) and said in what felt like a surprisingly confident voice (especially since the guy seemed like at least a head taller than me), "Is there a problem here?"
He straightened up instantly and said that they were lost and that they were looking for a certain transit line, which was in the direction they were already heading (however, given what I'd heard of their conversation, I think this was legitimately PART of the issue, and not JUST a "I'll tell you something that lets you give me an answer and go away."), at the next set of traffic lights (which were still pretty far away, just barely visible) So I told them that, and he said thank you, and a "come on" type thing to what I presumed was his girlfriend, but before they moved off, I said, "Okay, but what concerns me is that I've heard a few things that sounded like threats, and I want to make sure nothing's going to happen."
At this point, he said something like, "You know, I can walk it on my own," and went on his way, leaving me and his companion, who was still crying. (I had a white LED light hanging from my jacket so I could read, that I'd neglected to turn off, and my jacket was blue... a part of me wonders if he backed away so quickly out of some drunken confusion and thinking I was a cop, because I'm certainly not intimidating). I waited until he was at least a little bit away and hopefully out of earshot before I asked if she was okay, so that if there was something going on and she was just scared of saying something in his presence, it might give her a little confidence. She said she was okay, though was still crying a bit and gathering her composure until she finally said it in a "you don't have to worry about me, I'm okay" way, and the guy was maybe a block or two away and still retreating.
I told her I'd walk with her to the main street so that she could catch a bus or cab (even though it was back the direction I had just came, and a fair distance, even though I didn't mention that), and she said it wasn't necessary, but I said I was going to anyway, just to make sure nothing happened (I was also prepared to give her cab money if she needed it, though I didn't say it) - I was a little worried he might just walk a short distance away and then meet up with her once I was out of sight, which in a sense is sort of what happened, although in a somewhat less sinister way.
As we walked I tried to talk to her a bit, and she gave a lot of the old standard "he's not really a bad guy" type lines (which is probably exactly what somebody said if somebody WASN'T abusive and had been implied that he might be). It being a very ambiguous situation, I didn't say a lot (there's a lot in retrospect I wish I had said, just to assure it had been, and all the bases were covered), the avoidance instincts kicked in and I found myself trying to just act nonchalant, even making a bit of small talk, and she backed up the story that they were lost and a bit stressed (it sounded legitimate not like "I had better not contradict things") and it was pretty clear they'd both been drinking (they both were slurring some in my interactions with them and you could smell it on them, and later she admitted it), which probably at least explains the lost part, though she claimed to be from the city just a way different part of it.
Anyway, up ahead we could see eventually that the guy was waiting, and although I didn't ask (one of those things I regret and dwell on but I was too much in autopilot mode), she didn't seem like she was afraid of him and since she'd said multiple times that he's not a bad guy (and was worried about him feeling ostracized by the accusation) I figured the best thing I could do is ensure the situation was as de-escalated as possible. So when he came close enough and said, by way of explanation, that he was "worried about you" (her, and fair enough that he should be considering he left her, drunk, with a strange guy they'd just met), and again seeing no signs she wanted him away, I said it was okay and he was free to walk with us, but privately decided that, I wasn't going to leave them until they got on a bus or a cab or something where some other eyes were on them. I also tried to say to the guy that I'm sure he wasn't generally a bad guy or anything, that I just had to step in just in case (it might be true, and if it wasn't, it might soothe any simmering anger some), all he said was "you don't have to explain yourself to me." The couple also interacted some, on inconsequential matters without any seeming anger or fear (she pointed out that he'd left a part of his backpack unzipped, for example, and called him 'babe' when she did), but all three of us weren't walking together for very long before we saw a cab coming and she hailed it, talked a bit to the driver while I couldn't hear and then got into it together. She waved at me and said thanks, and I wished them both a good night, and then they were gone and I turned back and started back to work.
Immediately afterwards a mix of emotions, some pride that I was able to intervene at all (especially given my generalized cowardice and social anxiety... this is why I'm tagging it under personal accomplishments because at least it's some evidence that, when somebody ELSE is at stake, I occasionally have the ability to act), even if nothing actually wound up going on, mixed with worries that either I was somehow too patronizing to the girl, or too accepting of the situation at face value, or that I'd potentially made it worse, just delayed, if he really was physically abusive, and all the things I should have said and asked just in case came rushing back to me. And those mixed feeling still come back to me now, although in the end I've tentatively decided I did the right thing, or at least the best I could manage in a thoroughly ambiguous situation (though if somebody reading this thinks I did the wrong thing, please tell me, in the unlikely event I'm in a similar situation again). I'm not under any illusions that I actually helped to any significant degree... best case scenario (aside from that nothing was happening and I was overcautious) is I de-escalated a single situation before it got too bad and if I was really lucky got one or the other of them to think about their decisions, but probably not even that.
I guess the lack of closure also is a big factor in why I keep thinking about it... I didn't even get either of their names, or give them mine, so there's pretty much no way I'm ever going to know what happened short of, in the worst case, in the news as a major crime, and I certainly hope that doesn't happen. That's why I prefer stories to real life, in stories the lingering questions would usually be definitively answered, probably within a few scenes or pages. But in real life, you're constantly exposed to plot threads that dangle forever.
So I think this displaces the homeless woman who wanted me to hold the door to a building for her while she stole her stuff back from another homeless person who was sleeping in the stairwell inside, as the most memorable (but not quite most bizarre) encounter on the street on the way to work (I'm pretty sure I wrote about that other incident, but I can't find the link to it).
So, I go to work very early in the morning, at this time of year well before dawn for the hour or so it takes to walk. Usually it's pretty quiet, especially on Sunday mornings. Last Sunday, not so much.
I was on a section of my walk where it's a very long street, but not particularly well travelled... there's a bus on weekdays, but not on Sundays (at least, not that early), very little traffic or people, and it's residential so although there are streetlight, it's fairly dark overall. I was walking down one side of the street, and heard a couple of people coming up the other side of the street in the other direction. As I got closer, I put it together fairly quickly that they were a young man and woman, and they sounded drunk, and they were arguing... that's not enough that I'd take much notice, but as I got closer, I started to see and hear stuff that worried me, enough that even a coward and confrontation-phobe like me had to step in.
It was nothing 100% damning, but it was very borderline and still in the category of "not at all acceptable". It began to look like (possibly more just from drunken contrariness) that she didn't want to go with him, and he was trying to get her to, at first in reasonable-sounding ways that were occasionally successful (for a few steps at least). Then I heard him say something along the lines of "strangle you", but it was ambiguous from the tone of voice whether it was literally a threat "I'm going to strangle you" or "i feel like i want to strangle you" (which again, not at all okay in my book, but maybe being drunk he just said things he didn't mean). This was when I stopped walking, put my book away, and pretty much started watching from the other side of the street, not sure whether I should intervene, or more mysteriously WOULD (because I've often found myself deciding I should do something and want to and on some levels deciding to but then it's like my body goes on autopilot to avoid the situation). They didn't seem to notice me, being on the other side of the street (and very slightly behind them). Honestly, it sounds bad, but if that ambiguous threat was the ONLY thing hinky I might have done that that night, too, but within a few seconds he began physically pulling at her arm and she seemed to be resisting, and crying, and he called her a stupid C-word, so I took a deep breath and found myself walking towards them (thinking to myself that this is how people get stabbed) and said in what felt like a surprisingly confident voice (especially since the guy seemed like at least a head taller than me), "Is there a problem here?"
He straightened up instantly and said that they were lost and that they were looking for a certain transit line, which was in the direction they were already heading (however, given what I'd heard of their conversation, I think this was legitimately PART of the issue, and not JUST a "I'll tell you something that lets you give me an answer and go away."), at the next set of traffic lights (which were still pretty far away, just barely visible) So I told them that, and he said thank you, and a "come on" type thing to what I presumed was his girlfriend, but before they moved off, I said, "Okay, but what concerns me is that I've heard a few things that sounded like threats, and I want to make sure nothing's going to happen."
At this point, he said something like, "You know, I can walk it on my own," and went on his way, leaving me and his companion, who was still crying. (I had a white LED light hanging from my jacket so I could read, that I'd neglected to turn off, and my jacket was blue... a part of me wonders if he backed away so quickly out of some drunken confusion and thinking I was a cop, because I'm certainly not intimidating). I waited until he was at least a little bit away and hopefully out of earshot before I asked if she was okay, so that if there was something going on and she was just scared of saying something in his presence, it might give her a little confidence. She said she was okay, though was still crying a bit and gathering her composure until she finally said it in a "you don't have to worry about me, I'm okay" way, and the guy was maybe a block or two away and still retreating.
I told her I'd walk with her to the main street so that she could catch a bus or cab (even though it was back the direction I had just came, and a fair distance, even though I didn't mention that), and she said it wasn't necessary, but I said I was going to anyway, just to make sure nothing happened (I was also prepared to give her cab money if she needed it, though I didn't say it) - I was a little worried he might just walk a short distance away and then meet up with her once I was out of sight, which in a sense is sort of what happened, although in a somewhat less sinister way.
As we walked I tried to talk to her a bit, and she gave a lot of the old standard "he's not really a bad guy" type lines (which is probably exactly what somebody said if somebody WASN'T abusive and had been implied that he might be). It being a very ambiguous situation, I didn't say a lot (there's a lot in retrospect I wish I had said, just to assure it had been, and all the bases were covered), the avoidance instincts kicked in and I found myself trying to just act nonchalant, even making a bit of small talk, and she backed up the story that they were lost and a bit stressed (it sounded legitimate not like "I had better not contradict things") and it was pretty clear they'd both been drinking (they both were slurring some in my interactions with them and you could smell it on them, and later she admitted it), which probably at least explains the lost part, though she claimed to be from the city just a way different part of it.
Anyway, up ahead we could see eventually that the guy was waiting, and although I didn't ask (one of those things I regret and dwell on but I was too much in autopilot mode), she didn't seem like she was afraid of him and since she'd said multiple times that he's not a bad guy (and was worried about him feeling ostracized by the accusation) I figured the best thing I could do is ensure the situation was as de-escalated as possible. So when he came close enough and said, by way of explanation, that he was "worried about you" (her, and fair enough that he should be considering he left her, drunk, with a strange guy they'd just met), and again seeing no signs she wanted him away, I said it was okay and he was free to walk with us, but privately decided that, I wasn't going to leave them until they got on a bus or a cab or something where some other eyes were on them. I also tried to say to the guy that I'm sure he wasn't generally a bad guy or anything, that I just had to step in just in case (it might be true, and if it wasn't, it might soothe any simmering anger some), all he said was "you don't have to explain yourself to me." The couple also interacted some, on inconsequential matters without any seeming anger or fear (she pointed out that he'd left a part of his backpack unzipped, for example, and called him 'babe' when she did), but all three of us weren't walking together for very long before we saw a cab coming and she hailed it, talked a bit to the driver while I couldn't hear and then got into it together. She waved at me and said thanks, and I wished them both a good night, and then they were gone and I turned back and started back to work.
Immediately afterwards a mix of emotions, some pride that I was able to intervene at all (especially given my generalized cowardice and social anxiety... this is why I'm tagging it under personal accomplishments because at least it's some evidence that, when somebody ELSE is at stake, I occasionally have the ability to act), even if nothing actually wound up going on, mixed with worries that either I was somehow too patronizing to the girl, or too accepting of the situation at face value, or that I'd potentially made it worse, just delayed, if he really was physically abusive, and all the things I should have said and asked just in case came rushing back to me. And those mixed feeling still come back to me now, although in the end I've tentatively decided I did the right thing, or at least the best I could manage in a thoroughly ambiguous situation (though if somebody reading this thinks I did the wrong thing, please tell me, in the unlikely event I'm in a similar situation again). I'm not under any illusions that I actually helped to any significant degree... best case scenario (aside from that nothing was happening and I was overcautious) is I de-escalated a single situation before it got too bad and if I was really lucky got one or the other of them to think about their decisions, but probably not even that.
I guess the lack of closure also is a big factor in why I keep thinking about it... I didn't even get either of their names, or give them mine, so there's pretty much no way I'm ever going to know what happened short of, in the worst case, in the news as a major crime, and I certainly hope that doesn't happen. That's why I prefer stories to real life, in stories the lingering questions would usually be definitively answered, probably within a few scenes or pages. But in real life, you're constantly exposed to plot threads that dangle forever.
So I think this displaces the homeless woman who wanted me to hold the door to a building for her while she stole her stuff back from another homeless person who was sleeping in the stairwell inside, as the most memorable (but not quite most bizarre) encounter on the street on the way to work (I'm pretty sure I wrote about that other incident, but I can't find the link to it).
