Oh, and...
Nov. 23rd, 2004 05:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
newnumber6Today is my Grandmother's birthday. This one is the big 8-0. She's 80 years old today. Surprisingly, we're not really doing anything. We saw her on the weekend, and I'll give her a phone call today, but that's it. Well, she is going on a trip to Jamaica this week with my aunts. Still, no big celebration. I guess, as healthy as she is and young as she looks, we expect to be celebrating 90, and 100, too. ;)
Anyway, I did it last year, but here's to her.
And, in honor of her (well, not terribly, but it involves Grandmothers and has been stuck in my head a while)
Well, Mom is out and Dad is out and we're here all alone
They said they'd phone before bedtime, so we unhooked the phone
They've taken the liquor cabinet key, but a crowbar works just as well...
'Cause tonight's the night we're gonna get Granny platered
We spiked her cup of tea with rum, and a twinkle came in her eye
"A glass of Sherry'd be nice", she said, so we spiked her sherry with rye
She throttled the bottle of whisky with a cry of "What the Hell!"
It was a sight the night we got Granny plastered.
'Cause when Granny gets plastered, she drinks like a bastard, she smokes she sings she swears...
Her legs get all weavy, it's better than TV, she throws the piano downstairs.
But don't ever doubt it, the best thing about it, when Granny has had a few,
Is she doesn't like to drink alone, so she gets us plastered too.
She got out her records, seventy eights, but the stereo doesn't play
The speed they need till you wire it four forty but when it is done that way
It causes the records to burst into flames. Good the Aquarium was near...
The tropical fish don't like it when Granny gets plastered.
'Cause when Granny gets plastered, she drinks like a bastard, she smokes she sings she swears...
Her legs get all weavy, it's better than TV, she throws the piano downstairs.
But don't ever doubt it, the best thing about it, when Granny has had a few,
Is she doesn't like to drink alone, so she gets us plastered too.
Our parents got home at midnight but by then she'd barred the door
So they called for the cops- by then she'd fetched and loaded the forty-four
She claimed she aimed above their heads, just her aim's not up to par
And what with the taxes she'd paid in her life,
Should cover the new squad car
Oh, when Granny gets plastered, she drinks like a bastard, she smokes she sings she swears...
Her legs get all weavy, it's better than TV, she throws the piano downstairs.
But don't ever doubt it, the best thing about it, when Granny has had a few,
Is she doesn't like to drink alone, so she gets us plastered too.
Granny's been hungover, we've been grounded for a year
And Dad has caught religion
Since Mom started hittin' the beer
They sent Granny away for the rest of her days
To live in an old age home
Where she's doing quite well with her new clientelle
Since she opened that bar of her own
'Cause when Granny gets plastered, she drinks like a bastard, she smokes she sings she swears...
Her legs get all weavy, it's better than TV, she throws the piano downstairs.
But don't ever doubt it, the best thing about it, when Granny has had a few,
Is she doesn't like to drink alone, so she gets us plastered too...
And if you go down to Granny's, she'll get you plastered too....
(This song is not meant to be an accurate reflection of my grandmother, who, at best, gets a bit tipsy and giggly)
Anyway, I did it last year, but here's to her.
And, in honor of her (well, not terribly, but it involves Grandmothers and has been stuck in my head a while)
Well, Mom is out and Dad is out and we're here all alone
They said they'd phone before bedtime, so we unhooked the phone
They've taken the liquor cabinet key, but a crowbar works just as well...
'Cause tonight's the night we're gonna get Granny platered
We spiked her cup of tea with rum, and a twinkle came in her eye
"A glass of Sherry'd be nice", she said, so we spiked her sherry with rye
She throttled the bottle of whisky with a cry of "What the Hell!"
It was a sight the night we got Granny plastered.
'Cause when Granny gets plastered, she drinks like a bastard, she smokes she sings she swears...
Her legs get all weavy, it's better than TV, she throws the piano downstairs.
But don't ever doubt it, the best thing about it, when Granny has had a few,
Is she doesn't like to drink alone, so she gets us plastered too.
She got out her records, seventy eights, but the stereo doesn't play
The speed they need till you wire it four forty but when it is done that way
It causes the records to burst into flames. Good the Aquarium was near...
The tropical fish don't like it when Granny gets plastered.
'Cause when Granny gets plastered, she drinks like a bastard, she smokes she sings she swears...
Her legs get all weavy, it's better than TV, she throws the piano downstairs.
But don't ever doubt it, the best thing about it, when Granny has had a few,
Is she doesn't like to drink alone, so she gets us plastered too.
Our parents got home at midnight but by then she'd barred the door
So they called for the cops- by then she'd fetched and loaded the forty-four
She claimed she aimed above their heads, just her aim's not up to par
And what with the taxes she'd paid in her life,
Should cover the new squad car
Oh, when Granny gets plastered, she drinks like a bastard, she smokes she sings she swears...
Her legs get all weavy, it's better than TV, she throws the piano downstairs.
But don't ever doubt it, the best thing about it, when Granny has had a few,
Is she doesn't like to drink alone, so she gets us plastered too.
Granny's been hungover, we've been grounded for a year
And Dad has caught religion
Since Mom started hittin' the beer
They sent Granny away for the rest of her days
To live in an old age home
Where she's doing quite well with her new clientelle
Since she opened that bar of her own
'Cause when Granny gets plastered, she drinks like a bastard, she smokes she sings she swears...
Her legs get all weavy, it's better than TV, she throws the piano downstairs.
But don't ever doubt it, the best thing about it, when Granny has had a few,
Is she doesn't like to drink alone, so she gets us plastered too...
And if you go down to Granny's, she'll get you plastered too....
(This song is not meant to be an accurate reflection of my grandmother, who, at best, gets a bit tipsy and giggly)
