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newnumber6Okay, so here's my whole tale of the Toronto Fan Expo. No scoops, mostly just my personal impressions. Oh, and it does devolve a bit into some self-pity there now and again, so if you have a low tolerance for that sort of thing, be warned in advance.
The night before my brother loaned me his old digital camera. I hadn't planned on taking a camera, but since I had one, I figured, cool. Although the batteries were running kind of low and the convention was dim in some places and I don't even know if I cleaned the lens or just managed to smudge it up more, so it's a crapshoot if any of the pictures I mention taking actually exist in anything other than my mind. And that's before you consider the fact that it's probably been about a decade since I've taken a photo so it's more than possible that my pictures sucked in general.
Anyway, woke up con day at around 6:30 to eat a quick breakfast (since I wasn't going to eat there), get showered and shaved and such. Dressed in my Blue Sun shirt, to show my Firefly love, then at around 7:30 grabbed my bag (which pretty much contained my Firefly boxed set signed by Sean Maher, and a book, Swan Songs: The Complete Hooded Swan collection, by Brian Stableford. I chose that book so that on the off chance I met any browncoats on the list, I could use it to help explain who I was (I go by StarPilotGrainger on the Firefly chats, and he's the book's main character)), and headed out. Took the subway to the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, filled out a registration form, waited in line to buy non-advanced tickets. Saw some people in cool costumes, but didn't take any pictures, because I wasn't sure of the battery and wanted to make sure that if I got _any_ picture it'd be one of me and Morena Baccarin (Inara) from Firefly. Most of the costumes I didn't recognize (the con is Sci-Fi, Gaming, Horror, Anime, and Comics. I'd figure most of the comics were Anime though), but they looked well made, anyway. I timed it well so I was probably in the first 25 people or so to buy the tickets that day. Once I had them I had to wait in line to actually get into the convention. Of course, the tickets went on sale at 9 and the con actually opened at 10. I was fairly early in the line (maybe first 100?), but still had to wait an hour.
In front of me were a group of people talking. And let me tell you, you know those occasionally funny internet videos people post links to? One of the few things that can make waiting in a line worse is waiting for a line right next to a group of people describing their favorite internet videos to each other. And then they went onto discussing building decks in collectable card games (at least, I assume).
But, 10 rolled around and I got in. None of the stars had set up yet in their autographing booth (well, none of the ones I came to see, anyway. Carrie Fisher might have been there or the line might have been forming just in advance of her appearance). Actually, at first it was a little hard to walk around, I mean I literally had a little trouble parsing the data from my senses, I was walking around and was only sort of dimly aware of my surroundings. Like I had a few minutes of sensory overload and it took some time to get acclimitized.
None of the stars were there but I went to Morena's table so I could get an idea of where it was, and saw a note saying that her autographs were $20 each, which really bummed me out. I mean, it's not so much that I'm a cheapskate, I'm just not terribly well off and although I don't begrudge stars for asking for money it felt a bit much for what was effectively a few seconds time (if the price was just to buy a photo that would have been fine, but it cost that much even if you brought something of your own to sign like I did). I was still willing to pay it, although a bit grudgingly. The big thing is I would have liked to be informed up front before I attended the con. I wish the con posted every star's 'price' there. I was still willing to go get Morena's autograph, but it completely turned me off the idea of going to anybody else's, because I was worried that they might ask for money too even if it wasn't posted, and I'd feel too awkward waiting in line only to find out I'd have to pay $20 to each of them to get an autograph and if not I'd have to awkwardly say, 'uh, no, then I guess I just wanted to say hi' (because generally there are very few stars I'd want to pay... well, any money at all, frankly, in order to get their autograph) or whatever. As most of my flist probably knows, I'm incredibly high social anxiety and the expected feeling of awkwardness is a mortal enemy. Posting prices in the schedule before the con would let me know which would and wouldn't require money and allow me to plan my budget a little better and not fear awkwardness.
Anyway, since none of the stars I was interested in seeing were around, I just walked the floor a bit, mainly looking to costumes. I saw some huge zombie guy, some pirates, lots of anime girls. Oh, and lots of Molly from Runaways. Okay, really, it was a lot of young girls in those little hats with animal ears on them. Possibly dressed up as some anime characters, or possibly just as fashion. But since my first (and most regular) experience with those hats was from Runaways, I always think of them as Molly hats, and I kinda pretended that there were bunches of girls dressed up as Molly. Well, okay, most weren't that close, but there were a few that looked like they actually could be Molly. I almost wanted to ask to take a picture (at least, when I started taking pictures) but I thought taking a picture of a very underage girl who might not actually be dressed up as anything might be looked at the wrong way.
The other cool costume I saw was a cute girl wearing a bloodspattered top. As I got closer, I noticed the top was to a beige schoolgirl outfit, and then when I looked closer, my suspicions were confirmed. She had an electronic collar on it. She was cosplaying as someone from Battle Royale. It was cool, and I thought about trying to get a picture but I didn't know how to approach her (and she was with a boyfriend) to ask and of course at this point I hadn't started taking pictures.
Mostly I circled the floor and regularly wound up at the autograph area. Morena hadn't showed up. Eventually I heard someone say 'Eyyyy... Nice Shirt' but I had already passed them before I looked back and realized one was wearing a Jayne hat and one was wearing a Serenity shirt so they must have been browncoats, so I figured they must have been talking to me, but I didn't go back.
Also filled out a ballot to possibly win an Xbox 360 from the local Science Fiction channel. They'll alert me by phone or e-mail if I win, I guess. Not holding my breath, but it'd be nice.
Jeffrey Combs (Weyoun from DS9, and the Andorian from Enterprise among a number of other genre roles) was there, but again, I didn't want to wait in line to try and get an autograph (see above), but it was cool to see him from afar anyway. A bunch of browncoats started hovering around Morena's signing spot, presumably waiting for her, and I sort of started hovering too, not wanting to wait in a huge line, and on the off chance any of them would talk to me. None did. Eventually they all left when they realized that Juliet Landau (Druscilla from Buffy/Angel) had arrived and they got to wait in line for her. I went to look at JL, but didn't join the growing line. Did another circuit or two around the con, and when I got back, Morena had just arrived. Yay. And double Yay, there were only about 4 people in line ahead of me.
The only disappointing part? No Christina Hendricks. See, before the con we were getting rumors that Christina Hendricks (who played Saffron in a few episodes of Firefly) was coming along as Morena's personal guests. In fact, she did, and some people who went Friday got pictures with both of them. I, however, went on Saturday morning, and on Saturday morning at least, Christina Hendricks was not there, it was just Morena. A bit disappointing, but oh well, she was to be an added benefit anyway, not the main attraction. (Though knowing my luck, she showed up just as I left and was there all day Sunday too).
So I got in line, got there, said hi, she asked how I was doing and I said fine and asked how she was doing, and then I asked her to sign my Firefly boxed set (the one also signed by Sean Maher). Paid the assistant lady who was handling that, as she signed. She asked what was inside it, I explained I put a book in there to hold the case steady, since I didn't want to risk losing my DVDs, and she said it was pretty smart (although I later saw someone else had exactly the same idea). Then I asked if I could take a picture with her, and she said yeah, and got up and I had to get someone in line to actually take the picture, and posed with her (she touched my arm, woo. ;)) And that was that, it was over.
Time to wander around the con. Though this time I felt more free to take pictures. Took one of Weyoun, and the guy who plays the Scottish Doctor on Stargate Atlantis (his line was actually very small, which was kind of a shame, but still, I didn't wait in it cause, see above). Got Juliet Landau. Robert Picardo and Gates McFadden, two Star Trek Doctors (I guess that makes 4 SF doctors I've seen in person now... Sean Maher, Picardo, McFadden, Atlantis Doc). Also took a picture of a Doctor Evil impersonator (he was quite good. His friend, the Austin Powers impersonator... not so much). Got a pic of Zombie Giant Guy. A few Star Wars people (storm trooper, and rebel pilot, together). Looked around for Battle Royale girl, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Wandered around the comic people, saw a few I recognized by their work but I didn't actually bring any comics and didn't approach any of them cause I wouldn't know what to say. Mostly just looking around, taking a couple pictures here or there. While I was walking around I noticed a table with some gaming stuffs... specifically, Cybergeneration stuff. Cybergeneration was a roleplaying 'sequel' to Cyberpunk 2020 (although it was very different in spirits), and I actually really loved it in its day. I was surprised enough that the sourcebooks were there at all, but what was more surprising was one that shouldn't have been there. It was a supplement that was scheduled, but then R. Talsorian went into money troubles and the Cybergeneration line was discontinued and the supplement didn't make it to print... there was some talk of releasing it online but I don't know that it ever happened. Anyway, the guy behind the counter noticed me looking at them and talked to me a little about it, I told him I used to play a long time ago and I had all of them except this one.
He mentioned that his boss was actually running Cybergeneration in the gaming room and would be running another at 4pm. I didn't plan on still being there, but still it was cool, and I decided out of nostaliga to buy the sourcebook Generation Gap, even though it didn't really contain much in the way of 'new' stuff and was mostly for roleplaying aids for a game I never really expected to roleplay. But nostalgia is a powerful force. It was like one of those dreams where I wander into a comic store and find a whole batch of new New Universe comics, taking directly off the originals. Except in this case it actually happened - a new company had bought the rights and released this. Not sure yet if they're doing more, but it's still cool that somebody was still playing it at all. Hell, I'd pretty much filed Cybergeneration in almost the same category as NU - something I really loved that nobody else seemed to get. It was almost Cyberpunk meets Rebellious Teen Superheroes (a nanotech plague went around transforming kids into one of a few specific 'types' of artificial/biological hybrids. I always thought it would make a kickass comic or cartoon. Still do, actually. For a while that night I started mentally creating a Cybergeneration/Runaways crossover and of course reviving my old thoughts of a Cybergen/Cyberpunk/X-Men MUSH).
Anyway, my legs were getting a bit tired from walking around (saw one and only one other person with a Blue Sun shirt, but if he saw me he made no sign), so I left the main exhibition area and headed up a level to where the special rooms were, in preparation for the Marvel panel I was planning on attending. It was still a couple hours off, so I sat and read my book a little. Once when I looked up, it was none other than Battle Royale girl! I got up and started in that direction, trying to gather my wits to ask to take a picture, but, as expected, I chickened out at the last second as she and her boyfriend started walking off. Sigh.
Shortly after that (when I was returning to sit down and read some more) was where I had my only other conversation. Someone saw my shirt and asked if I was part of the Canadian Browncoats. I said yeah, well, sortof, I'm on the mailing list, and he explained that there was a plan for the Canadian Browncoats to meet there and go to lunch and I said I hadn't heard of it because I hadn't really been following the 'meeting' posts. So we parted ways shortly after that. He eventually met up with the rest of those going to lunch. I didn't get approached to see if I was part of them again, but anyway, it was almost time to get in line for the Civil War panel.
Oddly enough, I seem to have strange luck in waiting outside Marvel panels and having stars walk right by me. The last convention I went to, I was waiting outside the Cup of Joe panel, and George Takei (Sulu) walked right past me, within spitting distance. Today, Juliet Landau walked right in front of me (of course, in this case she was exiting a private show that was in the same room as the Marvel panel would later be). Didn't say or do anything, but it was cool.
Finally, at 2, after waiting for a while in line (near the front, but still had to wait for it to be time to go in), I attended the Marvel Civil War Panel, where I sat two rows in front of Bendis while he was doing his angry-audience-member schtick, which was kinda cool. And beside a cute cosplayer (of some unknown, probably animeish, fandom), but I didn't interact with her at all of course. When it was over, I started heading home, because I was tired and had a headache and was hungry, and wrote up my Panel report. Did some looking for interesting costumes to take pictures of on the way home, or seeing if I could spot Battle Royale Girl again, but didn't really either (well, I saw some cool costumes but wasn't really in a good position to take pictures).
So yeah. On some levels it was kinda cool, on others not so much, and a little depressing (here's where the self pity part starts, avert thine eyes). I mean, I always have these kind of vague ideas of meeting people at cons. Not meeting people I know are there, but you know, happen to be in line with or walking by someone who gets involved in a geeky conversation, and joining the conversation. Ideally there's the hope of meeting some beautiful (hey, I said ideally) crazy fan girl who I click with instantly and shares a lot of the same interests, but even that's more of a ghost of a hope than a full hope. Really it's more about interaction in general, that here I could perhaps interact more freely than I can in the real world. Because, hell, these are geeks, these are my people.
Except it seems that even among my people, I feel an outcast. Granted, geeks aren't perhaps the fairest group to put the burden on, since there's probably a higher proportion of outcasts there who would be shy. But I can't strike up a conversation. I can't even join in a nearby conversation with mutual interests. Hell, I can't approach a person in costume and ask to take their picture (which I'm generally led to believe they actually like and really take as a compliment). As to celebrities, unless it's something I particularly prepare for and make a mission of, I'm can barely interact with them. Hell, even comic celebrities, probably the most 'approachable' celebrities in existence, I can't even have an unscheduled conversation with them.
I had a grand total of 3 interactions that day, and 2 of them were essentially commercial in nature (the Cybergeneration guy and Morena - when she asked for a fee she made it commercial). The other was short. Sure, there were a few transactions (I split up social stuff into transactions and interactions. Transactions are simple Q&A or 'woops, sorry', or directly buying something, whereas interactions, even if commercial in nature, are a little more freeform. Transactions don't count for my attempt at personal development, interactions can (but commercial ones, much less). All of these were fairly dead ended though, so it was all works out to a net failure, feeling even worse due to it being among geeks, the people I theoretically should have the most in common with.
Meh. I suspect my only place in this world, if I'm to have one, is to have some lonely little corner, a job where I can work quietly in a corner and just live a quiet little life alone pursuing my own interests and getting only a little bit of social interaction out of the internet. Cause I'm just not cut out for this world as I am in person.
Okay, whiny bit over. And yes, I realize I had almost the same rant the last con I went to, two years ago. I'm totally unoriginal in even my depressive thoughts.
Anyway, I might post some pictures in another post if I get them out of the camera and they turned out at all decent (two very big ifs, so don't hold your collective breath).
The night before my brother loaned me his old digital camera. I hadn't planned on taking a camera, but since I had one, I figured, cool. Although the batteries were running kind of low and the convention was dim in some places and I don't even know if I cleaned the lens or just managed to smudge it up more, so it's a crapshoot if any of the pictures I mention taking actually exist in anything other than my mind. And that's before you consider the fact that it's probably been about a decade since I've taken a photo so it's more than possible that my pictures sucked in general.
Anyway, woke up con day at around 6:30 to eat a quick breakfast (since I wasn't going to eat there), get showered and shaved and such. Dressed in my Blue Sun shirt, to show my Firefly love, then at around 7:30 grabbed my bag (which pretty much contained my Firefly boxed set signed by Sean Maher, and a book, Swan Songs: The Complete Hooded Swan collection, by Brian Stableford. I chose that book so that on the off chance I met any browncoats on the list, I could use it to help explain who I was (I go by StarPilotGrainger on the Firefly chats, and he's the book's main character)), and headed out. Took the subway to the Metro Toronto Convention Centre, filled out a registration form, waited in line to buy non-advanced tickets. Saw some people in cool costumes, but didn't take any pictures, because I wasn't sure of the battery and wanted to make sure that if I got _any_ picture it'd be one of me and Morena Baccarin (Inara) from Firefly. Most of the costumes I didn't recognize (the con is Sci-Fi, Gaming, Horror, Anime, and Comics. I'd figure most of the comics were Anime though), but they looked well made, anyway. I timed it well so I was probably in the first 25 people or so to buy the tickets that day. Once I had them I had to wait in line to actually get into the convention. Of course, the tickets went on sale at 9 and the con actually opened at 10. I was fairly early in the line (maybe first 100?), but still had to wait an hour.
In front of me were a group of people talking. And let me tell you, you know those occasionally funny internet videos people post links to? One of the few things that can make waiting in a line worse is waiting for a line right next to a group of people describing their favorite internet videos to each other. And then they went onto discussing building decks in collectable card games (at least, I assume).
But, 10 rolled around and I got in. None of the stars had set up yet in their autographing booth (well, none of the ones I came to see, anyway. Carrie Fisher might have been there or the line might have been forming just in advance of her appearance). Actually, at first it was a little hard to walk around, I mean I literally had a little trouble parsing the data from my senses, I was walking around and was only sort of dimly aware of my surroundings. Like I had a few minutes of sensory overload and it took some time to get acclimitized.
None of the stars were there but I went to Morena's table so I could get an idea of where it was, and saw a note saying that her autographs were $20 each, which really bummed me out. I mean, it's not so much that I'm a cheapskate, I'm just not terribly well off and although I don't begrudge stars for asking for money it felt a bit much for what was effectively a few seconds time (if the price was just to buy a photo that would have been fine, but it cost that much even if you brought something of your own to sign like I did). I was still willing to pay it, although a bit grudgingly. The big thing is I would have liked to be informed up front before I attended the con. I wish the con posted every star's 'price' there. I was still willing to go get Morena's autograph, but it completely turned me off the idea of going to anybody else's, because I was worried that they might ask for money too even if it wasn't posted, and I'd feel too awkward waiting in line only to find out I'd have to pay $20 to each of them to get an autograph and if not I'd have to awkwardly say, 'uh, no, then I guess I just wanted to say hi' (because generally there are very few stars I'd want to pay... well, any money at all, frankly, in order to get their autograph) or whatever. As most of my flist probably knows, I'm incredibly high social anxiety and the expected feeling of awkwardness is a mortal enemy. Posting prices in the schedule before the con would let me know which would and wouldn't require money and allow me to plan my budget a little better and not fear awkwardness.
Anyway, since none of the stars I was interested in seeing were around, I just walked the floor a bit, mainly looking to costumes. I saw some huge zombie guy, some pirates, lots of anime girls. Oh, and lots of Molly from Runaways. Okay, really, it was a lot of young girls in those little hats with animal ears on them. Possibly dressed up as some anime characters, or possibly just as fashion. But since my first (and most regular) experience with those hats was from Runaways, I always think of them as Molly hats, and I kinda pretended that there were bunches of girls dressed up as Molly. Well, okay, most weren't that close, but there were a few that looked like they actually could be Molly. I almost wanted to ask to take a picture (at least, when I started taking pictures) but I thought taking a picture of a very underage girl who might not actually be dressed up as anything might be looked at the wrong way.
The other cool costume I saw was a cute girl wearing a bloodspattered top. As I got closer, I noticed the top was to a beige schoolgirl outfit, and then when I looked closer, my suspicions were confirmed. She had an electronic collar on it. She was cosplaying as someone from Battle Royale. It was cool, and I thought about trying to get a picture but I didn't know how to approach her (and she was with a boyfriend) to ask and of course at this point I hadn't started taking pictures.
Mostly I circled the floor and regularly wound up at the autograph area. Morena hadn't showed up. Eventually I heard someone say 'Eyyyy... Nice Shirt' but I had already passed them before I looked back and realized one was wearing a Jayne hat and one was wearing a Serenity shirt so they must have been browncoats, so I figured they must have been talking to me, but I didn't go back.
Also filled out a ballot to possibly win an Xbox 360 from the local Science Fiction channel. They'll alert me by phone or e-mail if I win, I guess. Not holding my breath, but it'd be nice.
Jeffrey Combs (Weyoun from DS9, and the Andorian from Enterprise among a number of other genre roles) was there, but again, I didn't want to wait in line to try and get an autograph (see above), but it was cool to see him from afar anyway. A bunch of browncoats started hovering around Morena's signing spot, presumably waiting for her, and I sort of started hovering too, not wanting to wait in a huge line, and on the off chance any of them would talk to me. None did. Eventually they all left when they realized that Juliet Landau (Druscilla from Buffy/Angel) had arrived and they got to wait in line for her. I went to look at JL, but didn't join the growing line. Did another circuit or two around the con, and when I got back, Morena had just arrived. Yay. And double Yay, there were only about 4 people in line ahead of me.
The only disappointing part? No Christina Hendricks. See, before the con we were getting rumors that Christina Hendricks (who played Saffron in a few episodes of Firefly) was coming along as Morena's personal guests. In fact, she did, and some people who went Friday got pictures with both of them. I, however, went on Saturday morning, and on Saturday morning at least, Christina Hendricks was not there, it was just Morena. A bit disappointing, but oh well, she was to be an added benefit anyway, not the main attraction. (Though knowing my luck, she showed up just as I left and was there all day Sunday too).
So I got in line, got there, said hi, she asked how I was doing and I said fine and asked how she was doing, and then I asked her to sign my Firefly boxed set (the one also signed by Sean Maher). Paid the assistant lady who was handling that, as she signed. She asked what was inside it, I explained I put a book in there to hold the case steady, since I didn't want to risk losing my DVDs, and she said it was pretty smart (although I later saw someone else had exactly the same idea). Then I asked if I could take a picture with her, and she said yeah, and got up and I had to get someone in line to actually take the picture, and posed with her (she touched my arm, woo. ;)) And that was that, it was over.
Time to wander around the con. Though this time I felt more free to take pictures. Took one of Weyoun, and the guy who plays the Scottish Doctor on Stargate Atlantis (his line was actually very small, which was kind of a shame, but still, I didn't wait in it cause, see above). Got Juliet Landau. Robert Picardo and Gates McFadden, two Star Trek Doctors (I guess that makes 4 SF doctors I've seen in person now... Sean Maher, Picardo, McFadden, Atlantis Doc). Also took a picture of a Doctor Evil impersonator (he was quite good. His friend, the Austin Powers impersonator... not so much). Got a pic of Zombie Giant Guy. A few Star Wars people (storm trooper, and rebel pilot, together). Looked around for Battle Royale girl, but she was nowhere to be seen.
Wandered around the comic people, saw a few I recognized by their work but I didn't actually bring any comics and didn't approach any of them cause I wouldn't know what to say. Mostly just looking around, taking a couple pictures here or there. While I was walking around I noticed a table with some gaming stuffs... specifically, Cybergeneration stuff. Cybergeneration was a roleplaying 'sequel' to Cyberpunk 2020 (although it was very different in spirits), and I actually really loved it in its day. I was surprised enough that the sourcebooks were there at all, but what was more surprising was one that shouldn't have been there. It was a supplement that was scheduled, but then R. Talsorian went into money troubles and the Cybergeneration line was discontinued and the supplement didn't make it to print... there was some talk of releasing it online but I don't know that it ever happened. Anyway, the guy behind the counter noticed me looking at them and talked to me a little about it, I told him I used to play a long time ago and I had all of them except this one.
He mentioned that his boss was actually running Cybergeneration in the gaming room and would be running another at 4pm. I didn't plan on still being there, but still it was cool, and I decided out of nostaliga to buy the sourcebook Generation Gap, even though it didn't really contain much in the way of 'new' stuff and was mostly for roleplaying aids for a game I never really expected to roleplay. But nostalgia is a powerful force. It was like one of those dreams where I wander into a comic store and find a whole batch of new New Universe comics, taking directly off the originals. Except in this case it actually happened - a new company had bought the rights and released this. Not sure yet if they're doing more, but it's still cool that somebody was still playing it at all. Hell, I'd pretty much filed Cybergeneration in almost the same category as NU - something I really loved that nobody else seemed to get. It was almost Cyberpunk meets Rebellious Teen Superheroes (a nanotech plague went around transforming kids into one of a few specific 'types' of artificial/biological hybrids. I always thought it would make a kickass comic or cartoon. Still do, actually. For a while that night I started mentally creating a Cybergeneration/Runaways crossover and of course reviving my old thoughts of a Cybergen/Cyberpunk/X-Men MUSH).
Anyway, my legs were getting a bit tired from walking around (saw one and only one other person with a Blue Sun shirt, but if he saw me he made no sign), so I left the main exhibition area and headed up a level to where the special rooms were, in preparation for the Marvel panel I was planning on attending. It was still a couple hours off, so I sat and read my book a little. Once when I looked up, it was none other than Battle Royale girl! I got up and started in that direction, trying to gather my wits to ask to take a picture, but, as expected, I chickened out at the last second as she and her boyfriend started walking off. Sigh.
Shortly after that (when I was returning to sit down and read some more) was where I had my only other conversation. Someone saw my shirt and asked if I was part of the Canadian Browncoats. I said yeah, well, sortof, I'm on the mailing list, and he explained that there was a plan for the Canadian Browncoats to meet there and go to lunch and I said I hadn't heard of it because I hadn't really been following the 'meeting' posts. So we parted ways shortly after that. He eventually met up with the rest of those going to lunch. I didn't get approached to see if I was part of them again, but anyway, it was almost time to get in line for the Civil War panel.
Oddly enough, I seem to have strange luck in waiting outside Marvel panels and having stars walk right by me. The last convention I went to, I was waiting outside the Cup of Joe panel, and George Takei (Sulu) walked right past me, within spitting distance. Today, Juliet Landau walked right in front of me (of course, in this case she was exiting a private show that was in the same room as the Marvel panel would later be). Didn't say or do anything, but it was cool.
Finally, at 2, after waiting for a while in line (near the front, but still had to wait for it to be time to go in), I attended the Marvel Civil War Panel, where I sat two rows in front of Bendis while he was doing his angry-audience-member schtick, which was kinda cool. And beside a cute cosplayer (of some unknown, probably animeish, fandom), but I didn't interact with her at all of course. When it was over, I started heading home, because I was tired and had a headache and was hungry, and wrote up my Panel report. Did some looking for interesting costumes to take pictures of on the way home, or seeing if I could spot Battle Royale Girl again, but didn't really either (well, I saw some cool costumes but wasn't really in a good position to take pictures).
So yeah. On some levels it was kinda cool, on others not so much, and a little depressing (here's where the self pity part starts, avert thine eyes). I mean, I always have these kind of vague ideas of meeting people at cons. Not meeting people I know are there, but you know, happen to be in line with or walking by someone who gets involved in a geeky conversation, and joining the conversation. Ideally there's the hope of meeting some beautiful (hey, I said ideally) crazy fan girl who I click with instantly and shares a lot of the same interests, but even that's more of a ghost of a hope than a full hope. Really it's more about interaction in general, that here I could perhaps interact more freely than I can in the real world. Because, hell, these are geeks, these are my people.
Except it seems that even among my people, I feel an outcast. Granted, geeks aren't perhaps the fairest group to put the burden on, since there's probably a higher proportion of outcasts there who would be shy. But I can't strike up a conversation. I can't even join in a nearby conversation with mutual interests. Hell, I can't approach a person in costume and ask to take their picture (which I'm generally led to believe they actually like and really take as a compliment). As to celebrities, unless it's something I particularly prepare for and make a mission of, I'm can barely interact with them. Hell, even comic celebrities, probably the most 'approachable' celebrities in existence, I can't even have an unscheduled conversation with them.
I had a grand total of 3 interactions that day, and 2 of them were essentially commercial in nature (the Cybergeneration guy and Morena - when she asked for a fee she made it commercial). The other was short. Sure, there were a few transactions (I split up social stuff into transactions and interactions. Transactions are simple Q&A or 'woops, sorry', or directly buying something, whereas interactions, even if commercial in nature, are a little more freeform. Transactions don't count for my attempt at personal development, interactions can (but commercial ones, much less). All of these were fairly dead ended though, so it was all works out to a net failure, feeling even worse due to it being among geeks, the people I theoretically should have the most in common with.
Meh. I suspect my only place in this world, if I'm to have one, is to have some lonely little corner, a job where I can work quietly in a corner and just live a quiet little life alone pursuing my own interests and getting only a little bit of social interaction out of the internet. Cause I'm just not cut out for this world as I am in person.
Okay, whiny bit over. And yes, I realize I had almost the same rant the last con I went to, two years ago. I'm totally unoriginal in even my depressive thoughts.
Anyway, I might post some pictures in another post if I get them out of the camera and they turned out at all decent (two very big ifs, so don't hold your collective breath).
