Bah and bleh
Jul. 4th, 2005 01:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
newnumber6So feeling particularly depressed again these last few days. Putting it behind a cut tag so those who just don't care or who are sick of my whining (and it's nothing terribly new this time around either, the same old song, next verse the same as the first) and just skip, but it sometimes helps a little to write it. :)
Not sure what in particular triggered it. Just seemingly my mind keeps drifting back to the things I want and I can never expect to have, stuff I'll never do, due to my own failings, and, well, it depresses me more. I try not to wallow, to force myself to think of the something else, but then the something else reminds me of one of those things.
The other day I saw on the news about some guy who walked from Toronto to New York and back again, to raise awareness for... something or other. I forget. (Which I guess means he failed in his goal). Which of course revived my own dreams of just chucking it all, packing up what I could carry and just start walking in the general direction of the other side of the country. Of course, despite that being the final act of giving up on my life, it's still one of those 'things I'll never do'. Presumably, anyway. The odds are against it (which is good because the conditions required for me to actually go for it would be several things I'd hate to have happen). Still, the idea of it, the act itself, remains intrinsicly appealing. But I have promises to keep, and so, no miles to go instead of sleep.
Speaking of, that's another thing that seems increased, sleepiness, and the desire to sleep even without actual sleepiness. Like when considering anything I could do, sleep feels preferable to them all.
Bah. Bah, I say.
Not sure what in particular triggered it. Just seemingly my mind keeps drifting back to the things I want and I can never expect to have, stuff I'll never do, due to my own failings, and, well, it depresses me more. I try not to wallow, to force myself to think of the something else, but then the something else reminds me of one of those things.
The other day I saw on the news about some guy who walked from Toronto to New York and back again, to raise awareness for... something or other. I forget. (Which I guess means he failed in his goal). Which of course revived my own dreams of just chucking it all, packing up what I could carry and just start walking in the general direction of the other side of the country. Of course, despite that being the final act of giving up on my life, it's still one of those 'things I'll never do'. Presumably, anyway. The odds are against it (which is good because the conditions required for me to actually go for it would be several things I'd hate to have happen). Still, the idea of it, the act itself, remains intrinsicly appealing. But I have promises to keep, and so, no miles to go instead of sleep.
Speaking of, that's another thing that seems increased, sleepiness, and the desire to sleep even without actual sleepiness. Like when considering anything I could do, sleep feels preferable to them all.
Bah. Bah, I say.
