Reality chafes.

[newnumber6]

I want the Next Big Thing. I want the New Frontier. I want the Paradigm Shift. I want the Moment That Changes Everything Forever.

I want the Singularity to hit. I want FTL to be invented. I want the Zombie Apocalypse to break out. I want First Contact with an alien race to be achieved.

I'm sorry, I know it's selfish of me to want these things. There are plenty in the world happy with the world as it is. And it's not like the world hasn't gone through tremendous changes in my lifetime, but they're all too slow, or too removed from my everyday life. But I need SOMETHING to change the world so suddenly that it forces me to change myself, something I can't just adapt to and live my old life. I need it desperately. Because clearly I can't change by myself. The confinement in my own head, in my own life, is really getting to me lately.

I guess it doesn't have to be the whole world. I want to open an average door I've opened a thousand times and find an impossible landscape on the other side. I want a blue police box to appear in my apartment and the man inside to take me on adventures. I want a strange fog to settle around me and when it lifts, I'm stranded in another world or time. I want to fall in love and have the feeling be returned. I want someone to appear and tell me I'm a key figure in the future, and I must be protected, or destroyed. Either's good. I want to stumble on an alien artifact that gives me super powers. I want just one of the impossible dreams I've had all these years to come true.

I don't even care if I die in the process, as long as I have one shining moment where I feel like my life doesn't have to be this way.

Reality doesn't bite. Reality chafes.

Comments

[80sfiend.livejournal.com]

I hope you know that you are totally capable of changing yourself. You CAN make changes in your life for the better, you just have to believe in yourself. :)

That being said, I totally hope this comes true for you :) *hugs*

[newnumber6.livejournal.com]

Ah, but that's part of the trap, isn't it? I don't believe in myself. I can't see how to get around it... maybe other people can alter what they believe, but I've never been able to manage it. I believe in what I believe until some new evidence changes my mind. And so far all the evidence is that I'm incapable. So where does one get the ability to believe in oneself?

Anyway, I'm being too depressing. Thanks for he kind thoughts anyway. :)